Six Inches Deep in Mud: A Pride and Prejudice variation by Michelle D'Arcy

Author:Michelle D'Arcy [D'Arcy, Michelle]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Pride and Prejudice & Related Fandoms
Goodreads: 218386696
Published: 2024-09-29T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 14

The morning is as bleak as I feel. I long abandoned any expectation of finding some rest, so the night passed as restlessly as the previous ones. How could it have been better, when nothing good has happened?

This afternoon, we shall attend the little party at Lucas Lodge. Papa declined, but the rest of us will go, including Mr Collins. Oh joy!

The ball is planned for the day after tomorrow, and I cannot but count the days — the hours! — with increasing distress. Mr Darcy has been gone for three days now. Two and a half. Three mornings ago, we were at Oakham Mount, falling on the ground. And I foolishly kissed him. I never imagined a simple kiss could be so overwhelmingly pleasant, or its consequences so hurtful.

In fact, it is not the consequences of the kiss that were hurtful but the dishonest actions of someone to whom I granted my trust. A large part of me still feels that the trust was well deserved. A greater part of my heart still believes Mr Darcy’s words were honest and his actions were true, still believes that all must be a huge misunderstanding. I realised the depth of my love for him when my heart still placed its confidence in him despite the evidence against him that painfully invaded my mind.

I am torn between wishing for him to return and explain, and dreading seeing him, confronting him, and discovering that my fears were justified.

If he never returns, at least I shall know his dishonesty and betrayal were real and I was a complete fool. It will be a lesson to learn and never repeat for the rest of my life.

But what if he does return and repeat his profession of love and express his desire to break the engagement with Miss de Bourgh? Of course, the real blessing would be to speak to Mr Darcy and discover that the engagement is not real. But can I allow such a hope to flourish inside me, only to risk being crushed by disappointment?

Were I a wise woman, I would keep my composure and treat the entire situation with calm and prudency. I should try to gather more information before allowing myself to fall from joy to despair, from happiness to grief. Why have I not done that? Why did I not at least ask Mr Bingley about Mr Darcy’s engagement, or persuade Jane to ask the question?

The answer is easy: How can I explain my interest in Mr Darcy’s private life? To everybody else, Mr Darcy and I are barely friends after being enemies at the beginning of our acquaintance. Can such a fresh and superficial friendship explain my enquiries about his marital situation?

My mind is a jumble of conflicted feelings and questions and no answers, and I cannot find what is left of my reason. I have no other choice but to ask for Jane’s help. I cannot tell her all that occurred between Mr Darcy and me, but I can ask her for assistance in discovering the truth about his alleged engagement.

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